Monday, May 21, 2007

Angry Wine.

(By way of introduction, my MUCH better half has been characteristically altruistic enough to yield a little space in this blog for the rantings of her wine-deranged husband. OK. Let's proceed...)

It probably says a lot about me that my first post in this blog has a title like 'angry wine.'

Let me explain.

Have you ever thought all day about what you're going to have for dinner (you think to yourself: "Mmm, bacon-wrapped pork chops with rosemary, brussels sprouts, etc etc") and then been stopped in your tracks by one of the following?:

A) OH NO! I have nothing in my cellar that fits my mood OR this meal!

B) After spending all this money on food, I don't really want to invest in some fancy bottle of wine.

Thus, angry wine. It's what you end up with in these two scenarios most of the time. That bottle that's 'pretty good' but just doesn't live up to the idealistic imaginings you've been experiencing all day.

I must admit, being in the trade this doesn't happen to me as much as it used to. However, there are nights where the bottle just misses the target. This is usually when, out of nothing but spite, I reach for the fanciest bottle I can find downstairs as if purging from myself (and my home) some unholy spirit that has befouled us all by finding its place at our table.

In these moments, despite your wife's 'reasoned thinking', I implore you to consider that $10 or $15 extra is nothing to mourn when put toward a bottle that helps you to avoid such catastrophes. The Cabernet lovers among you must surely be nodding your heads and silently mouthing your 'amens' at this point for that bastard grape will SO RARELY put out for anything less than $35.

So, as I'm sure you've guessed by now, I now trudge down to the cellar to find something to help my palate forget the atrocities I have just subjected it to (yes Chateau Souverain Cabernet, I'm talking about you - you fruitless bastard).



Rebecca said...

I go away for one minute and the cellar is bare!

What on earth did you open?


Willowbottom said...

Actually, I must say that when faced with such a situation I first say to myself...

- Shit. I'm a vegetarian cooking pork chops. Quick, where's the phone so I can call Rebecca?!

Then, it's rapidly followed by...

- Damnit, Paul, can't you PLEASE keep the kids out of the kitchen for just a few minutes?

Immediately concluded with...

- Wine? Will my guests (generally family a la lushes) know the difference if I give them a bottle of Trader Joe's "Three-Buck-Chuck" Cabarnet instead of something more spendy?

(Three-Buck-Chuck is the Trader Joe's $2.99 Charles Shaw vintage at the store endcaps.)

That's generally how an evening cooking progresses. Language was significantly cleaned up for this blog post, and I also left out fits of depression and endless periods of self-questioning and indecision whenever anything goes wrong (to include how, 15 minutes before people come over, I try to come up with some wild fantasy to tell people to keep them from coming over that night).

Juliet said...

"Angry Wine." Sounds like a Southern Rock album. Maybe this points to a new musical direction for both of you?